I'm only on, like, the freaking wars of religion. I have SO MUCH WORK TO DO
In other news, the English Civil War is like a messy divorce. See my study guide:
The spacing copied weird, but whatevs.
e. English Civil War: take note, Hobbes will write about this
i. Elizabeth dies: crown goes to James
1. James is descended from Banquo
2. Macbeth is dead, the bastard
ii. His son is Charles I
1. And Parliament hates both of them
2. And won’t give them pocket money
3. And both bothersomely insist on divine right
4. And try and enforce religious conformity
a. High church style
iii. Meanwhile, Calvin had SPREAD
1. KOLKOLKOL– sorry
2. Called Puritains, and they staged a coup of the House of Commons
a. A CALVINIST coup
b. By which I mean they were legitimately elected
iv. Charles and Parliament kept fighting over financial issues
1. Until they were separated (Charles dissolves Parliament
2. They get back together to try and put down a rebellion in Scotland
a. Parliament takes this opportunity to pass the Triennial Act (has to call Parliament every three years)
b. Dissolves Star Court: triumph of Common Law
v. Finally, they get a messy divorce
1. A messy, messy divorce, in that it leads literally to open warfare
a. Puritains=Round Heads(or, in a remarkable coincidence, Eggheads)
i. Lead by Oliver Cromwell and the New Model Army
ii. Divided between Presbyterians and radical independents
1. And they chuck the moderates out anywho
b. But either way they beat the King’s Cavaliers
i. Predicting NBA history
c. Then they behead Charles. Oh well. (1649)
vi. Interregnum: Parliament gets sole custody. This does not work out as well as anticipated.
1. Under Cromwell, who calls himself Lord Protector
a. I could not make this shit up
b. Ruled as military dictator, much in the style of San Lorenzo
i. Failed at domestic affairs
1. GOD DAMN this metaphor is good
2. Puritains literally forbid public entertainment
a. They fail to realize how much masturbation this leads to
b. British get sick of these dickweeds
3. Cromwell dies (unfortunately naturally) in 1658 This a reference to the earlier "Bitches don't know 'bout my assassination techniques", in reference to the 30 Years War
a. His son just fails at carrying on the Protectorship, probably a result of NOT being a douche.
vii. Restoration: Charles II comes back from France and custody is split again
1. Good ol’ C of E is restored and religious toleration is abolished.
2. Test Act excludes non-Anglicans from military and civilian offices
a. Fine, we don’t want your goddamn officer corps anywho.
Seriously, how awesome is that metaphor? On the usual scale, that is, from sparrow to velociraptor. Also, I had a lot of fun tagging this entry.
- Location:Cromwell's London (Above)
- Mood:
tired - Music:Still Alive– Portal
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3. Cromwell dies (unfortunately naturally) in 1658 This a reference to the earlier "Bitches don't know 'bout my assassination techniques", in reference to the 30 Years War
You should teach history.
Also, I would just mock my students all the time. It builds character.
Good luck with studing.
as in, I did all of this for History. XDso you understand my confusion.
also, all civil wars are messy divorces, it's true.
I feel like the American civil war is more like
sibling(civil)ing fighting (ahahaha that was a terrible pun, I should be defenestrated) and the Finnish Civil War was like... a Russian Civil War reenactment that got a little out of hand.You may have a point about the American civil war; I never studied the Finnish civil war, so I can't really say much on that subject. But the civil war in El Salvador? SUCH a messy divorce. "I'm leaving, Juan Pedro! And I'm taking the labour force with me!"